Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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