Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
