YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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