True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think my vagina is haunted
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
