Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We had to coat check the pizza.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize