I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
