Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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