Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
