Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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