Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
