Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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