i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
His nipple licking is glorious
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