At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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