hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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