Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
