someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
