coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
