So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
