Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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