hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
