I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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