Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize