i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
