remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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