I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
