Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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