i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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