dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
