we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
