So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
