it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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