i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
