So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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