Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
