when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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