feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
