think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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