I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
