Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
