i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
