my phone needs a breathalizer
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
