So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
