I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
