Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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