I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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