good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
