it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
