If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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