At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
