When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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