Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
