I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
