You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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