He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I won the penis lottery.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
