i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
