I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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