You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dick very happy bro
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
