i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
