Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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