Where is the hickey?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
porn star boner night. come get it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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