HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
