what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
