No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
