She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is Oprah even human
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
