I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
