My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
