Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
