Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish you could order shots online.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
