im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
