just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
