I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
