Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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