Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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