it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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